Doing the Inner Work But Still Repeating Patterns? Why Real Change Requires Unconscious Reprogramming

There’s a specific kind of pain that comes with trying to change, not just trying once or twice, but trying for years. 

Trying to stop overthinking, people-pleasing, spiraling, reacting, or abandoning yourself. Trying to grow, and still finding yourself right back in the same emotional loops, the same coping patterns, the same internal battles.

At some point, you start to wonder: Maybe this is just who I am and I’m wired this way. Maybe it’s too late or you’re too far gone. Maybe everyone else is capable of growth, but not you.

If you’ve ever had that thought, you need to know that belief is programming, and it’s one of the most common unconscious patterns I see in the people I work with.

Why Growth Can Feel So Hard

Most people try to change from the level of conscious awareness, which makes sense because consciousness is the only part of your mind you can “see.” You experience your thoughts, effort, willpower, intention, and motivation, so when something refuses to shift despite your best efforts, you assume you must be doing something wrong.

When your unconscious mind is running old survival programming, it overrides the conscious goals you genuinely want. That’s why you can know better but still not do better. So if you keep grasping for growth and it’s not happening, it’s not because you’re lazy or lack discipline. It’s not because you’re not spiritual enough or because you haven’t read enough books.

It’s because you’re trying to create unconscious change through conscious tools. And that will always feel exhausting.

The tricky part is, you don’t experience your unconscious mind directly. You experience the effects of it, the reactions it creates, the beliefs it runs, and the patterns it reinforces. But you don’t have access to the “coding” behind it, just like you don’t see the programming behind your phone or your computer, you just see the output.

The Willpower Trap (And Why It Creates Growth Fatigue)

This is where so many people hit a wall. They’ve tried therapy, journaling, affirmations, changing their mindset, forcing new habits, and becoming “a better version of themselves.” And maybe it works for a little while.

But then they revert. And that’s when the fatigue sets in, because it starts to feel like your growth requires constant effort, vigilance, and management. As if you have to micromanage your own mind 24/7 just to stay afloat. Eventually you don’t just feel frustrated, you feel defeated.

This is what I call growth fatigue, the exhaustion that comes from repeatedly trying to “fix yourself” with tools that only touch the surface. So if you’re tired of attempting to reinvent yourself through willpower alone, you’re not alone and you’re not failing. You’ve just been trying to create change at the wrong level.

It’s like rearranging the icons on your desktop while a hidden virus keeps running in the background. No matter how organized everything looks, the system itself is still compromised.

What Deep Growth Actually Feels Like

When you work with the unconscious mind directly, the experience of change often surprises people because it doesn’t feel like forcing yourself to become someone else. It feels like returning to who you actually are underneath the programming.

One of the most common things clients say to me after deep unconscious work is some version of: “It feels like someone flipped a switch in my brain.” They’ll say things like, “It doesn’t even occur to me to do the thing anymore,” or “it’s like the craving disappeared,” or “I can’t believe I used to spiral like that,” or “I’m reacting differently without trying.”

And I’m always like: yep. That’s what this work does.

Because when the unconscious pattern is cleared, you’re no longer fighting yourself to change—you’re simply no longer being driven by the internal force that was creating the behavior in the first place.

So What Can You Expect When You Work With the Unconscious Mind?

One of the coolest things I’ve learned about growth as a Hypnotherapist and NLP Practitioner is that it doesn’t always look like a dramatic breakthrough (although it does often bring immediate relief in just one session).

Sometimes, growth looks like realizing you didn’t overthink something that would’ve consumed you a year ago. It looks like feeling calm in a conversation that used to trigger you. It looks like not being compulsively pulled to prove yourself. It looks like choosing yourself without it being a huge internal battle. It looks like emotional steadiness, even when life is messy.

And here’s the part people often miss: you have to reflect on the changes in order to fully realize them. Because when your nervous system normalizes safety, peace starts to feel ordinary. So the transformation doesn’t always announce itself. Sometimes it whispers.

That’s why part of my role is helping my clients notice what they’re noticing. I stay connected. I ask questions. I help them track their evolution because when you’ve lived in survival mode for most of your life, peace can feel so subtle you barely recognize it at first. But when we connect the dots and look back, it becomes undeniable.

How the Transformation Happens Inside The Reclaimed Mind

In my signature program, The Reclaimed Mind, we begin by working through the six core repressed emotions: anger, fear, sadness, guilt, hurt, and shame. What’s fascinating is that when we start clearing emotional charge at that level, clients often experience shifts they didn’t even realize were connected.

They’ll come in wanting to work on money, love, confidence, boundaries, self-worth, purpose, or peace. Those areas improve, of course. But then something unexpected happens. Their relationship with food shifts. Procrastination fades. Anxiety softens. Situations that used to hook them don’t land the same way anymore.

Because we’re not just talking about patterns, we’re clearing what’s driving them. Underneath every habit, reaction, or stuck place is an entire network of emotional charge and beliefs reinforcing each other. Trying to untangle them one by one can take years and still miss the root. But inside my structured and sequenced process, we go straight to the source. 

When the root shifts, everything connected to it shifts too, including the things you didn’t even realize were related, the struggles you assumed were just part of your personality, and the dynamics you had learned to live with. That’s why the changes can feel both surprising and profound. They reach further than you expected because the work goes deeper than you could consciously see.

Later in the process, we return to their intake form which is the baseline snapshot of what the unconscious mind was running at the beginning of their journey. And this is the moment that gets people every time. They read their old words and say, “I know I wrote this, but it doesn’t even feel true anymore.”

That is unconscious reprogramming. That is what real transformation looks like.

What It Feels Like When You’re Truly Supported to Grow

A big reason people struggle to trust change is because in past growth experiences with other practitioners or therapists, it felt like everything depended on them. They had to do it “right.” Say the right thing. Find the right memory. Be ready at the right time. Manage the pace. Steer the conversation. They felt responsible for tracking their own pain and directing the process, which is exhausting when you’re already overwhelmed.

But real transformation doesn’t come from control, it comes from safety and trust, and it comes from being guided by someone who understands how to work with the unconscious mind in a precise and strategic way.

Here’s what one of my clients shared about their experience:

“In the past I've experienced anxiety and people-pleasing patterns in hypnotherapy sessions. The feeling of ‘Am I doing this right?’ or ‘Did I go to the right event in my past?’ My conscious mind couldn't let go. I felt like I had to figure it out -- like I was responsible for taking some action. That question would come... ‘Are you ready to release this?’ And I would panic. ‘I don't know... am I? And how do I release it? What if I don't know how?’

Working with Megan, I experience complete trust that we're finding the moments that will spark the healing and insight. When we get the ultimate learning from releasing each repressed emotion, I immediately feel it in my body. There's no doubt. No question. No trying to be in control of the healing. Just a beautiful release and an immediate lightness. Followed by lasting shifts in how I feel, act, and react in my daily life.” - Megan B.

If you’re curious what this level of change looks like in real life, you can read more client experiences on our Testimonials page.

If You’ve Been Afraid You’ll Never Change, Here’s the Truth

If you’ve been stuck in a pattern for a long time, it’s understandable to believe it’s permanent. But most of the time, what you’re actually experiencing isn’t “who you are.” It’s who you became in order to survive, and survival strategies can be reprogrammed.

The unconscious mind isn’t your enemy, it’s actually an incredible protector. But it will continue running outdated strategies until you show it something new. That’s the work. Not forcing. Not pretending. Not pushing. But going to the root and shifting what’s been driving the cycle underneath. You’re not too much or beyond help, you’re just carrying unconscious programming that was never meant to follow you forever. 

And once that programming shifts, your life starts to shift too—quietly, powerfully, permanently.

Your Next Step

If this article stirred something in you, trust that. The part of you that’s tired of fighting the same internal battles isn’t weak, it’s wise. And the part of you that still wants to believe change is possible? That’s your true voice.

If you’re ready to stop trying to “think your way” into transformation and start shifting the unconscious patterns that have been running in the background, I’d love to support you.

Book a Discovery Call, and we’ll talk about what you’ve been struggling with, what keeps looping, and what’s truly possible for you when you’re guided through deep unconscious reprogramming with structure, support, and strategy.

You don’t have to do this alone and you don’t have to keep living in cycles that were never meant to be permanent.