You Don’t Have to “Get Rid of Your Ego” for Spiritual Growth

In the spiritual community, we often hear messages like we need to “release” or “silence” our ego. But do we actually need to get rid of it? And is that even possible?

First, let’s get clear on one thing: what exactly is the ego?

The ego is that voice that pipes up when you’re about to try something new: “What if you fail? Everyone will judge you.”

It’s the overanalyzing after a conversation: “Did I say the wrong thing? They probably think less of me now.”

It’s the inner critic comparing you to others: “They’re doing better than me, I’ll never catch up.”

And sometimes it’s the subtle pressure to hold it all together: “I can’t let anyone see me struggling.”

At its core, your ego is the word used to describe our self-concept—it’s the internal story we carry about who we are, what we’re capable of, and how we fit into the world. It’s not inherently bad. In fact, our ego has not only helped us understand who we are, it’s also helped us survive, adapt, and succeed.

The problem arises when our ego becomes too rigid. That’s when the very thing that once kept us safe can start holding us back from the life we actually want to live.

What the Ego Does (the Good and the Not-So-Good)

Think of your ego like the manager of your internal world. On a good day, it keeps you organized, helps you set boundaries, and makes sure you don’t walk into traffic because you’re lost in thought. 

It gives you a sense of “me” so you can move through life with some stability.

But here’s the flip side: the ego clings to what feels familiar, even if what’s familiar is painful. It loves identity and safety, so it will fight to protect the version of you it knows.

That’s why, even when you consciously want to change, your ego might sabotage the process. To your ego, staying in the old pattern feels safer than stepping into the unknown.

That doesn’t make it the enemy. It just means your ego is still running on old instructions.

Ego vs. the Unconscious Mind (and How They Dance Together)

Your ego is the storyteller—it crafts the narrative of who you are: “I’m the responsible one,” or “I’m not good at relationships.”

Your unconscious mind, on the other hand, is the library. It stores every emotional memory, every belief, every “rule” you absorbed as a child, along with past life and generational programming. It’s the operating system quietly running the show, filtering what you see and shaping what you believe is possible.

Your ego pulls from that library to create its “I” statements—and then works hard to make sure those statements feel true. For example, if your unconscious carries the belief “Love means abandonment,” your ego may translate that into an identity statement like “I can’t trust love to last,” or “I always get left behind.”

From there, the ego will do its best to protect you. It might push people away before they get too close, or keep you hustling for approval, because deep down that feels safer than risking rejection.

This can show up in subtle but powerful ways: maybe you start to get close to someone and suddenly stop answering their texts, or you find yourself picking fights or withdrawing altogether. On the surface, it looks like self-sabotage. But really, it’s your ego—taking cues from your unconscious mind—trying to protect you from what it believes is inevitable.

In other words, your ego’s voice isn’t just about what you say you want, it’s a reflection of what your unconscious mind has been programmed to believe you can have.

Which means the stories your ego tells aren’t random—they’re patterned by the past, and unless they’re updated, they can quietly become the walls that keep you from moving forward.

How the Ego Blocks Your Progress on the Growth Journey

Your ego exists to protect you, but it often ends up trapping you. It resists change because change feels like danger. It defends outdated roles like “the fixer,” “the achiever,” or “the people-pleaser.” It uses perfectionism, avoidance, or overthinking to shield you from failure or rejection.

And when your sense of self feels shaky, the ego tightens its grip even more. That’s when you start to feel like you’re fighting yourself—part of you wants to grow, but another part is terrified of what growth might cost.

In my work, I talk about four core traits that you need to actively cultivate when you’re on the growth journey: Courage, Humility, Accountability, and Commitment. The ego isn’t against these traits, but it often gets in the way of them. 

For example, it resists courage because stepping into the unknown threatens its sense of safety. It struggles with humility because it clings to being right or being in control. 

It pushes back on accountability because taking full ownership of your choices feels risky—what if it proves you really are flawed? And it fights commitment because the ego would rather keep all your escape routes open than risk failure by going all in. 

These aren’t signs of weakness; they’re signs that your ego is still working off old instructions that once kept you safe but now keep you stuck. The work isn’t to “kill the ego.” The work is to retrain it and let it become a helper instead of a jailer.

How We Reprogram the Ego to Be a Helper

Here’s the hopeful part: your ego isn’t set in stone. It can learn new roles and even become one of your greatest allies.

Inside The Reclaimed Mind, we get curious about the old story your ego has been clinging to, the identities it’s been protecting, and the rules it’s been living by. 

We start uncovering this through The Insight Compass, our comprehensive intake form that helps connect the dots of your unconscious beliefs so you can finally see what’s really been driving you beneath the surface.

From there, we move through a structured, sequenced process of reprogramming, releasing repressed emotions and clearing the limiting beliefs that make the ego cling to fear and rigidity. As those patterns soften and rewrite, your ego begins to relax. It no longer has to fight you, or anyone else, just to keep you safe.

With your unconscious mind now using logical lessons to protect you (instead of the old emotional charge), your ego can take on a new job: protecting your growth instead of guarding your wounds. 

Over time, it becomes more flexible, more fluid, and more supportive—translating your authentic self into the world instead of keeping you locked in survival mode.

When your unconscious feels safe, your ego finally shifts from gatekeeper to teammate, and that’s when real freedom begins.

The Bottom Line

Your ego isn’t a villain to slay. It’s a loyal bodyguard that’s been protecting you with outdated orders. 

When you reprogram the unconscious beliefs beneath it, your ego becomes fluid, flexible, and supportive. You stop feeling like you’re at war with yourself, and start moving forward with clarity and ease.

If you’re tired of fighting with yourself—knowing what you want but feeling blocked at every turn—book a Discovery Call today and let’s help your ego shift from rigid protector to trusted ally.